Harvest: "A time to be grateful"

It's 4:30am when I hear the alarm go off. My hard working husband has had 5 hours of sleep but he jumps out of bed without even hitting snooze...it's the first day of prune harvest! Prunes, which begin as oval shaped plums, are my favorite! Picked fresh off the tree, they are delicious!

Machines need fuel, workers need to be directed, Matt has a hundred things on his mind but knows exactly what needs to be accomplished and he just does it. He amazes me how he does it ALL and always seems to stay positive, even when machines break down or workers flake out. He also seems to always have time for me, all the kids and his church calling in the bishopric. The guy is my hero and I am so grateful for him!!

I have watched Matt stay up for 3 days straight, irrigating a new walnut orchard, getting no sleeping except in his truck or on the ground between water changes. He spends 12 hours straight, everyday for a month in the combine, harvesting rice during the month of October. He sprays the tree's in the dark because it's to hot during the day. He gets dirty, hot and tired. This is the life of my awesome farmer.

The next 3 months will be crazy as harvest continues. Next, will be rice and after that, walnuts but being married to a farmer is the best! He has flexible hours and he's never more than a mile from home. There will be days, probably many, when I will get overwhelmed trying to get all the kids where they need to be by myself but I count my blessings everyday that this very tall, very handsome, farm boy from Gridley, California, picked me! He does all he can to help me, be there for me and love me. I couldn't have asked for a more amazing guy who just "gets me". None of us are "perfect" but Matt is pretty perfect for me.

Also being married to a husband who takes providing for our family of 10, as seriously as he does, is probably the biggest blessing in my life!! I've seen the other side, I have friends who have also been there. I'm not trying to put anyone down here but it's just such a tremendous blessing! A mission, a college education and an amazing work ethic which Matt learned from his wonderful father, has blessed my life and the lives of our children more than I could have ever thought possible. I am so grateful that the kids have such a good, strong, example to follow.

We are so blessed! We live in a beautiful world and a place where anything can grow. The farmers curse the weeds and the "Johnson Grass" from time to time but the fruits and vegetables, nuts and grains that grow here sustain the lives of millions and it's right in my backyard.

Matthew David Little...I love you! Thank you for taking such good care of me and our family! You are an amazing man and I am so very grateful for you Mwah!!!!

Count Your Many Blessings

It seems like everyday, lately, someone that I love and care about is facing a huge trial. Cancer at age 42, losing a baby, a cheating spouse, infertility...the list goes on. My heart hurts so much for each of these dear friends. I wish more that anything that I could wave a magic wand for them and make it all better. But because of this "Earthly Experience" we must all endure, there is no way to fix it so I try to just offer my love and support in any way that I can.

As I have voiced on Facebook recently,  I am living my own Gethsemane, if you will,  as my children are away for the summer. I miss them so much that even the mention of their names brings me to tears. I'm so grateful I have them during the whole school year and I know spending time with their dad is important. Knowing this however, still doesn't take away the pain and sadness I feel every summer. I really have to fight not to slip into a completely depressed state.

So today as I sat in Church, something amazing happened and some things really hit me. As I listened to the testimonies being born, I heard the words "gratitude" and "grateful" several times. I say these words often and I have heard them thousands of times in my life but today they meant something different. I started thinking about all of the life-altering trials mentioned above that my sweet friends are dealing with. I thought of my two grandparents who's bodies are failing them and my parents who are care for them daily. I thought of my dear husband who tries so hard to provide for me and all of our children.  He does much for me daily, to try to help me to be to be happy when I'm down. Then I thought about each of our children and how they are all so beautiful and unique. How each of them brightens my day and fills my life with so much joy.

Then the tears came! The ugly ones! Wake up! Look around and count your many blessings! Why am I sitting here feeling sorry for myself when there is so much to be grateful for? I don't have cancer, my kids are all healthy and well taken care of, even if they are not with me right now. I have a husband who goes to work everyday, who cherishes me and loves all 8 of our kids like his own. I am a daughter of God and he loves me. All the rest doesn't matter. It was a beautiful and gentle wake up call that I really needed today.

It is so easy to find the negative but instead I am choosing to count my many blessings and find the positives and joy in this life. I love you all and challenge you to do the same.

Adoption: My Birthmom's are Angels!

I promise at some future date, to tell you each of my adoption stories individually but as for today I want to take a minute to honor my 3 birth mother's.

To me, these girls are my angels. They came to this Earth so strong! I can only imagine what it must have been like the day they found out they were pregnant. They were 15, 17 and 19 years old. Their whole lives were ahead of them and then WHAM!..they are now carrying a child. Fear, anger, morning sickness, and all the other physical and emotional changes that occur during pregnancy, take over their lives. They are each faced with the harsh reality of "What am I going to do now"? In all three cases, abortion was never even an option. I admire them so much for choosing life. They each knew, they would make whatever sacrifices nessisary , to see their situation through to the end. The love they had for their children was such an amazing love. They didn't choose to give them up, they chose to give them more.

Mattie's birthmom had been kicked out of her house at 14 because her mom didn't have enough room for her, which broke my heart. She lived in downtown Salt Lake City, with whoever would take her in. The day she delivered Mattie she was 15 and all alone. She knew she couldn't be a mom and she found the courage and strength to ask a random stranger if she knew of anyone who could adopt her beautiful baby girl.

That random stranger just happened to be a dear friend of mine who I had lost contact with, until a month before Mattie was born. I just had a "feeling" to call her a few days earlier and I told her after 4 years of infertility, all I wanted was to be a mom.

What are the chances of a young girl asking the "newborn" photographer out of everyone in that huge hospital, if SHE knew of a family who could adopt her baby? What are the chances that my friend had been called into work on her day off because 16 babies had been born that morning? (a hospital record) And what are the chances that I was the one chosen and blessed beyond measure, to bring that baby girl home?

Max's birthmom was 4 hours away from home going to college when she found out she was expecting. She never told one single soul she was pregnant. She went through the whole nine months alone, or did she? God was always there for her. He blessed her to know that everything would be okay and this brought her peace. On the day she went into labor, she barely made it to the hospital in time and delivered shortly after. She found strength and courage beyond anything I can even fatham. She had to call her parents and tell then that she had just had a baby boy but she was going to place him for adoption. Her family was heartbroken but she knew that was the right decision for her and her baby and she went forward with great faith.

Chances birthmom had the support of her whole family. He would have been loved and cared for but she knew that wasn't the right choice for him. The day Chance was born, I was there. I held her hand while she gave birth to "our" son. I watched how devastating it was for her and her loving family to let this precious baby go but she found the strength to sign the papers and say goodbye. I was in awe at her courage and unconditional love for her sweet baby boy.

So where are they now? How did these tough, heartbreaking decisions effect the rest of their lives? 

Unfortunately I'm not in contact with Mattie's birthmom, but hopefully one day. As for Max's birthmom, she and I are like sisters. She is married now and has a little boy of her own. We have written letters, sent pictures and stayed in touch from the day Max was born. She sends him presents for his birthday and Christmas and we see each other as often as possible. Max knows her and loves her. She also knows Mattie doesn't know her own birthmom so last year she asked if she could "adopt" Mattie. She send Mattie gifts as well and writes to her on Facebook. I am so grateful for the love she shows the kids and the wonderful relationship that we have. I love that girl!

Chances birthmom is is also married with 4 beautiful children. I love her so much! She is such an inspiration to me. Chance loves that he has 4 younger siblings and he's the "big brother". When I adopted Chance, I gained an entire family. Matt and I were married in Chances grandparents backyard and we see them a few times a year. Chances grandma is my 2nd mom and if we go longer than a few weeks without talking, one of us will call. I can't imagine what my life would be like without them in it.

Looking back at the nights I would cry myself to sleep, feel sorry for myself and even be angry at God, because I couldn't have children, they were only preparing me for something so much greater. I have learned love, patience, compassion and understanding. The experiences I've had because of infertility are priceless and I would go through it all over again to gain what I have now.

I have met so many young girls who have gone through similar experiences and I have been able to just give them a big hug and tell them how strong and beautiful they are. My birthmom's are my angels because they did something for me that I couldn't do for myself. They gave me a gift greater than any gift on this earth. The gift of motherhood. I will love them and cherish them my whole life. Thank you sweet girls! I love you!