Changing the world with just one word...RESPECT

I am not the most eloquent writer and by no means do I even pretend to have all the answers to many of life's tough questions. I do however, feel very deeply and think often about things that I wish I had the power to change.  

So many issues of major controversy have been splashed over the pages of social media lately. They have been broadcast on the news and over the radio. You all know what they are so there is no point for me rehash them. Besides those issues, we hear daily about police officers being shot, innocent victims losing their lives, riots breaking out, children disappearing or being abused, terrorist attacks and the list goes on and on. 

Just in my own community I have witnessed road rage, people screaming at each other at my children's sporting events, people bad mouthing others on social media, teachers getting yelled at by parents and students and that list continues. I know there is still goodness in this crazy world, I witness that as well but more and more there seems to be less compassion, less human kindness....and much less RESPECT for each other. I firmly believe that if we could just learn to respect each other again, the world could be such a different and much better place.    

The supreme court ruled that gay marriage is now legal. Do I agree with it? That isn't what this is about. I have family members who are gay and because of that I "respect" and love them. It doesn't matter if I agree, I just choose to love and show respect to them as a person. When the umpire at my boys baseball game makes a bad call do I have to agree with that? No, but I respect the call.  

Stop for a minute and think about all of the situations we are faced with daily. Is it really worth it to scream and swearing at someone over a parking spot or if they cut you off on the freeway? What are we teaching our kids? Why can't we just let it go and move on. Have there been times when I have lost it or not acted how I wished I would have?... Absolutely! We have all been there! But if our society could just take a minute and step back when faced with any frustrating situation and remember that one word "respect", I know it would make so much difference in our own lives and the lives of others.

Respect each other in your families, respect those in the schools, respect others at church, respect authority figures, respect strangers, respect the law, respect God and his laws and most of all respect yourself. 

My favorite holiday is the 4th of July. Every year I always watch a parade, on the day that we celebrate our freedom. As the flag goes by, my heart sinks, as more and more people don't even stand to show respect for our country. Things need to change and I hope this insignificant, yet heart felt blog post, might inspire you or someone out there to start now. Be a little more respectful to those around you and encourage others to do the same. Thank you for taking a minute to read this. Together, we really can make a difference.    
             

My Valentine!

Okay so this is a day late. With 8 kids running a zillion different directions, its bound to happen. I decided that with this post I want to get really personal. I'm going to talk about some things that have been very difficult for me but I think they are worth sharing. This is my love story, my fairy tale, and I am so grateful to be where I am right now, in my life.

People often comment about Matt and I and how much they love to see us so happy. Thanks to Facebook and the things we share about our lives, people have watched our love story unfold. I will be the first to say that even though we are very happy together, it hasn't always been easy. We started out with 8 children, when most newlyweds just have each other. We faced lots of challenges in the beginning. We had to learn how to communicate, how to blend, how to look past each others faults and the big one was, how to overcome the baggage that we both brought from our previous marriages. But I can honestly say, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, thanks to a man who has "just loved me".

After my divorce, I was completely broken. The details of what I went through are not something I want to discuss but my self esteem was shattered because of things I experienced and I didn't feel worthy of anything, especially love. I found myself dating people who were needy or a "project" as my mom would say. I didn't feel like I deserved any better. I know I was being watched over during that time and God sent an angel into my life. He was a counselor named Roger Mckenzie. Roger helped me begin to heal but the most important thing he taught me was to start believing that I had great worth and that I deserved someone who was "worthy of me" as he put it. This was a hard concept for me to grasp. It took a lot of prayer and tears to even have a glimpse that I was of worth at all, during that time in my life but I began to pray to find someone who would "cherish" me. Every time I would pray, I would use that word "cherish". Little did know, God heard my prayers and I was blessed with exactly that.

Matthew David Little came into my life in May of 2008. I had been divorced a little over a year and I was ready to find love again. I remember the first time I came to California. It was in June, and we had been e-mailing and talking on the phone for about 3 weeks. I flew to Sacramento and this tall, handsome guy was waiting at the airport for me. When I first saw him, I started to run and gave him a hug, then he twirled me, just like in a movie. On the hour drive from Sacramento to Gridley, we sang to the radio, talked and laughed, just like we had known each other for years. I was so scared to let myself fall for this guy who lived 2 states away, from everything and everyone I knew. I understood how hard it would be to move with 5 little kids to a foreign land...ha ha...but I took a leap of faith and that leap paid off. A month later we were married and I have never looked back.

From the very beginning, Matt has told me daily how beautiful I am. He never complains about the things I don't get done but always praises me for the things I do. It's amazing what happens when you hear things like "Thank you for making our bed everyday, I feel like I live in a hotel", and "Wow, I am the luckiest guy in the world to have you for my wife" and "How did I ever find you"? My self esteem started to improve. I started to feel worth something again. Matt would make sure we went on dates, usually, weekly. He would help me with the kids and back me up every time. He spent time with our kids and taught them important things. Matt also recognized when I needed a break. He would tell me to go and get a "diet sprite" (a line from the movie "Date Night") and to take as long as I needed. I have been able to go on "girl trips" when Matt has taken care of things at home. We have traveled together, prayed together, laughed A LOT together, finished each other's sentences, hundreds of times and had more fun than I ever thought possible. I can honestly say that he is my best friend! Through his unconditional love and the way that he has "cherished" me, I am whole again. I am so grateful to be given this second chance with such an amazing man by my side. He is my Valentine! Not just on February 14th but every day of the year. I am so in love and wanted the whole world to know it! I love you hot stuff!!!!!!

                                

Finding Joy in the Crazy!

Well this is us! My huge, amazing, beautiful family! My name is Melanie and I'm the one in the middle, next to that handsome tall guy. This was our "Be yourself" family photo from last year. Hence, I'm holding a  microphone because I love to sing. Music is my passion and my sanity. I am the mom and the GLUE that holds us all together. This is my story!

 It still amazes me that at some point in my life, only 14 short years ago, to be exact, none of this seemed possible. Back then, I suffered from stage 4 endometriosis and infertility. The disease had attacked my reproductive organs as well as my colon and other vital organs. I went through several procedures and surgeries in a desperate attempt to become pregnant. I was a mess both physically and mentally because becoming a mom, was all I ever wanted.

Fast forward to present day and all I can say now is "Be careful what you pray for people" because wall-a! I'm definitely a mom and a very blessed one at that!

I am asked, almost daily "How do you do it" with all those kids? How do you keep up and always seem so happy? Kind people have said I am amazing and they admire me. They are very sweet but really I am just like all of you...trying to do my best and trust me I fall short quite often.

 So today I am taking a minute to write down 8 things that have helped me to be happy in my life. Like any mother out there we all have challenges, good days and bad but hopefully I can help you find joy in your crazy by sharing what I have learned in mine.

1. Look for Miracles Every Day: I consider many things miracles. These are the tender mercies from God that show me he is there and that he loves me. My oldest three children who are adopted, my IVF twins, my wonderful husband and his three kids, who I now love as my own; they are my biggest miracles! I love people and to me, they are all miracles. I consider everyone I meet a friend. When I am put in someones path to help them, that is a miracle. Sunsets, flowers, mountains, the beauty of this world...all miracles. I love the funny things my kids say, the way my husband "gets me" and the blessing of this life...miracles. Find them in your own life, write them down and cherish them. When life gets you down, remember them. They will get you through the tough times. 

2. Set priorities and stick to them: Infertility has taught me a great lesson about what is important and what is not. I was a career woman for many years and staying home full time didn't come natural or easy to me. It was essential for me to have the trial of infertility to learn what was important to me. I don't work outside the home. Obviously! I wouldn't have time! I'm not saying its the right choice for everyone but it is for me. My family definitely comes first! I spend my days at ball games, track meets, dance recitals, church functions, and school events. I choose to be excited and happy that I can be there for my kids. They are my #1 priority.

3. Take time for yourself: Just because my family is my 1st priority, doesn't mean I can't take time for myself. Finding a healthy balance in everything we do, is key. Most things are small, like getting ready for the day...everyday. Yes, I am prissy, so hair, make up and clothes help me feel good and I take the time each day to do that for myself. I have amazing friends who I play "Bunko" with a once month. It does wonders for the soul! My husband is my best friend and we read scriptures together at night, watch movies together and have a weekly date night. So important! I also love to travel so we make it a point to go on a few small trips together, alone, each year to recharge our honeymoon batteries ;). By taking care of yourself you can conquer anything.

4. With God, nothing is impossible: We are not expected to do this on our own! Daily, I turn to our loving Heavenly Father for help. He will lift our burdens, give us strength beyond measure and bless us in ways we never thought possible. All we need to do is ask. Becoming humble and submissive to His will wasn't something I was born with. I am actually quite stubborn, so this has taken a lot of practice. If I can do it, anyone can! My favorite scripture is found in Proverbs 3: 5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths". By submitting our will for the things He knows are best for us, will always bring us true happiness.  

5. Serve Others: My life motto consists of 3 things: Be quick to forgive, do not be easily offended and do something kind for some else everyday. These are usually very small and simple things, like holding the door open for someone or giving a stranger a smile. I call my family or send texts to friends to let them know I care. We never know when we will be an answer to someone else's prayer so reach out to others as often as possible. Most of my service however, is centered around my family. I want to make sure that each of our children grow up feeling special and loved. I check them out of school for lunch, leave notes in their backpacks, make sure their uniforms are washed for game days and I tell them often how proud I am of them and that I love them.  These are the little things that will matter most.

6. Learn from your Experiences: Have you ever heard the saying :"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"? For heavens sake...If something isn't working for you...change it! Find a system for your family that works, then stick with it. Have bed times, rules, work together, have meals together when possible and also set time aside for family activities and down time. Trials will come, they are a part of life but learn and grow from them instead of letting them get you down. Remember, don't take life too seriously! Have fun along the way!   

7. It's Okay to ask for help!: There are days I have to get 3 kids to 3 different places, all at the same time. Lets face it people, just because I dressed up like Wonder Woman last year for Halloween, doesn't mean I am. It really does take a village to raise a child so find YOUR village with family, friends and community members and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. On the flip side, always offer to help in return when you can. This is important. Also...please realize it is okay to say "No". If you are asked to help with something and you can't because you are completely overwhelmed, be honest and respectfully decline. It will save you and others from a lot of unnecessary stress. Let people help you and be grateful for their help. You don't have to do this alone!

8. Find Joy in Your Crazy: Whether you have one child or 10, life can be crazy! Lets face it we live in a busy world. The key is "finding joy" in your own circumstances. Every Saturday from August to November, I sit at football games for 6 hours in over 100 degree heat. My body is wacko and it despises the heat. I get light headed and dizzy and it drains my energy. BUT I love sports...thanks Dad... and I love watching my boys play so I let that happiness I feel, outweigh the rest. Life is all about attitude. If we choose happiness, we will be happy. Yes, we will have STUFF, everyday, that will be hard but decide now to be happy. Work at it, pray for it, ask for help and above all else, love yourself and circumstances and find joy in the little things. I hope you all have a beautiful day!