Joy through service. My Camp Fire experiences

Some of the greatest advice I was ever given, came from my sweet Grandfather, Glade Harrison. He passed away at age 93 an lived a life filled with serving others. He said "Always look for someone to serve but do it quietly, tell no one and never expect anything in return". I love this have tried my best to follow his beautiful example.

I want to share my experiences of serving the people effected by the devastating "Camp Fire", that forever changed thousands of people's lives along with forever changing my life. A few who lived there were friends I already knew and loved, but most of them were strangers, new people who I have met, and who will forever be in my heart.

I don't share these things for recognition or praise. I share them with each of you, to help you see how unconditional love and service can change everything in your life. If you are feeling sad, lonely, depressed, anxious, unfulfilled, angry, or any other, unwanted emotion, find someone to serve.

It was and extremely windy Thursday morning, November 8th, 2018, when the deadliest fire in California history destroyed an entire community of over 26,000 people. Smaller, neighboring towns were wiped out as well. It seemed unreal, like a nightmare that no one would ever wake up from.

Gridley CA, where I live is exactly 29 miles southwest of Paradise. We have travelled there many times over the past ten years for baseball, basketball, football and parties with our friends who live there. Paradise High School has always had amazing sports teams and whenever our kids had to play them, they knew they better play their best or they were going to get beat.

The night of Nov. 8th was somber and scary. The fire had wiped out Paradise in just 6 hours and it was only a few percent contained. Over 35, 000 people had been displaced. Thousands more were evacuated and all at once, our high school gym became one of the many evacuation centers in our area.

A group of us, 4 ladies and our teenage kids, headed up to the gym around 6pm to see what we could do to help. At that time it was pretty empty. The Red Cross was there setting up cots. Cases of water were being unloaded from a truck along with food and other supplies. Other volunteers from our community were there as well. None of us knew what to do but we all just started to work.

We set up tables, unloaded supplies and  sorted things into categories, not realizing what was to come during the following weeks. There were around 20 people in the actual shelter at this time. That is where I wanted to be. So I walked in and started talking with each of them. This is when I first met John.

John was a 93 year old man, small in stature, who was sitting next to a cot in his wheel chair. On the floor was white plastic bag filled with a few hygiene items  and his wallet. Next to him was a tray of food and on the cot, a blanket and pillow. These were all of the worldly possessions John had. As I spoke with him he kept asking me to find his son who lived in the neighboring town of Magalia. His son and daughter in law were the only family John had and since Magalia had been evacuated as well, and he only had a home number for his son, there was no way of contacting him. I didn't know how, but I was determined to find John's son.

I met other people who I would talk to and "check on" over the course of the following weeks. A couple came in with a 6 year old boy. Another family came with 3 small children, there was an older couple named Bonnie and Chip and I met a lady named Larae who had two teenagers with her. Each of them had different stories but they had one thing on common, they were all scared and except for a few things they might have been able to grab, they had nothing.

I was at the gym until around 10:30 that first night. School had been cancelled for the next week, which turned into 3. Macie, my sweetheart 13-year-old, couldn't wait to go back the next morning and neither could I.

We got there early the next morning. It was Friday Nov. 9th, and very different than the night before. Hundreds of evacuees had arrived. It was chaos. All of the items we had organized the night before were disappearing faster than we could re-stock them. Someone would post something on facebook that we needed more pillow cases, hair brushes, underwear, socks...anything, and dozens of people in our community would show up with more donations. Clothes, shoes, coats, baby items, blankets, everything that you can imagine, just kept coming.

These people who came to the shelter were in shock. We would try to help them and comfort them but they were disoriented and confused. I can't even imagine what they went through. Most of them were crying. I heard countless stories of how they had escaped with their lives. Some didn't have shoes. Some were still wearing pajama's, since the fire had started at 6:30am the day before. I saw cars and trucks with melted bumpers and doors. It didn't seem real.

I tried so hard to be strong. I fought back tears and mustered all of the strength I had to smile and try to comfort others but there was one point that day where I had to go in the bathroom and I just sat there and sobbed.

In that moment, I had so much clarity about what really matters in life. I have so much. A comfortable home, plenty of food, clothing and luxuries that many people don't have. These people had lost everything but they all had one thing in common. Each of them said how grateful they were that they were alive and that their family was with them and they were safe.

I checked on John several times on Friday. He was becoming more upset with worry, not knowing if his son was okay. I asked him more questions and made a few phone calls. At 93 he was a little confused on some of the details but I was trying as hard as I could to help him.

Hundreds of animals were also arriving to be housed at the fair grounds next to the gym, along with people who were lucky enough to have gotten out with a camping trailer. People with pets were not allowed inside the gym and were sleeping in their cars. It really cold at night. The smoke was awful and the sun couldn't get to us much during the day. Two men from the Bay area came a week into the evacuation with as many tents and sleeping bags as they could find. They donated over 100 for the people who had to stay outside. Angels were showing up every day to help.

Macie and her friends were outside helping with the animals for weeks. I couldn't be more proud of her. Max also went with his AG teacher to rescue  animals left behind in Paradise. Matt worked with our church organization on several projects and Chance came to sort and distribute clothing.

On Saturday Nov. 9th, my new friend Jessica, who was also a volenteer, came with me to talk to John. By now he was very upset and crying, pleading with us to find his son. The idea was presented that we put John's picture on facebook. We did it and within 30 minutes, his son had been found! While we waited for them to reunite, I learned that John served in WWII. He had experience with running a projector so instead of being on the front lines, he ran a movie house in Germany, for the soldiers. John loved music and was devastated that he lost all of his CD's and records. He reminded me of both of my grandpa's who have passed away. He looks like my Grandpa Alder but is small like my Grandpa Harrison. Maybe that's why I felt so connected to him. The reunion with his family is something I'll never forget.

I volunteered everyday over the course of the following weeks. I had experiences that have changed me and made me want to be a better person. I hope I made a difference for the people I met because they definitely made a huge difference in my life.

Gridley really does have angels who live here. A few of them are still helping people 2 1/2 months later. They haven't ever stopped. Crystal, Josh, Annette and Christine...you are all amazing! The generosity of people is also amazing to me. The animal feed donations that came from Utah, friends sending money to buy things for the evavuees, people giving their time, possessions, food, money, gift cards...it is so humbling to see the kindness that has been shown to the people affected by the fire. Thank you to each of you who have helped in any way. Your kindness has not gone unnoticed.

I drove through Paradise a few weeks ago. I cried the entire time and I don't think I want to go back any time soon. There is no way to describe the feeling there other than heartbreaking and somber yet sacred. People lost their lives. They lost their photo's and things that provided precious memories. They lost  their homes and more than I could ever comprehend. This whole experience has made me so grateful for everything that I have. I see things differently. I feel more compassion and love for others and it has amplified the words of my Grandpa...to always look for someone to serve, quietly, without expecting anything in return. I hope you will all want to do the same. 

Accepting things we cannot change

Well...I have been on this earth for 43 years now. That might seem like a lot to some and not that many to others. Everyday I'm learning.

This past year has been one of learning to accept the things I cannot change. I've had to rely on God tremendously and really step back from my own wants and feelings and find peace in that.

I think that when a person grows up in a divorced or perhaps abusive home and has no control over things as a child, it causes one to be a little bit of a control freak as an adult, or...A LOT of one. Putting up walls, doing things that you can control or you can predict the outcome of, seem to be nessisary for normalcy in your life. It's hard to trust others sometimes. It's hard to put your whole heart out there for fear of it getting crushed. So you protect yourself.

As most of you know, my sweet little Cache, who just turned 12, decided he wanted to live with his dad this school year. When he first approached me about this, I was hurt, angry and totally against the idea. I was frustrated with people in my life who I thought might have driven Cache away. I became depressed and felt pretty helpless. But then one day I started to pray. I asked God what HE thought was best for Cache. I talked to Cache again and he said something so sweet and sincere. "Mom, I love you so much, I just need to be with my dad right now".

How could I argue with this? I felt in my heart that it was best for him but my head was fighting the idea with everything I had. He is a twin. He won't be with his sister. I won't see him everyday. How could I let him go?

Then one day I realized. This is not all about me and my wants and needs. This is about Cache. I ACCEPTED the fact the HE needed this. That this might be the best thing for him. It broke my heart and it is still breaks my heart. I miss him everyday but I know he's doing well and that he's happy.

So how does this relate to you?? We all have things in our lives that we can't change. We all have toxic people who might treat us badly. We have health issues or financial problems. We might be going through a divorce, caused by a spouse who is abusive, has cheated or has an addiction. We might have children who are struggling and no matter what we do or say, they won't listen to us.

The answer to all of these things is acceptance. Accept the fact that you can't change it and let it go. Focus in the things in your life you can change which is basically, yourself.

You CAN set boundaries with toxic people and even remove them completely from your life, if nessisary. You CAN learn to love and accept your child for who they are and pray that they will figure it out. You CAN move on from a divorce and find happiness again. Matt and I are going on 10 years and he is my best friend. It hasn't always been easy or perfect but we are in this together and I'm so grateful for him.

Look for the things in your life that you can change and try not to let those that you can't, bring you down. I love you my friends. Thank you for always loving and supporting me through the tough times in my life.

Turning Flaws into Strengths

Deep breath....

I've wanted to write this post for a long time but just haven't had the guts. Laying all of your flaws and insecurities out there for the world to read, is a scary thing. I feel vulnerable but like all the posts I write, my hope is that by sharing this, it might help someone else. So...here goes nothing.

I am: stubborn, impatient, insecure, unorganized, messy and lazy at times. I am a bit of a hoarder, especially with clothes, which have overtaken my house. I have sensory issues, especially with noise. I get really bad anxiety. I can sing in front of hundreds of people but I'm actually quite introverted. I sometimes worry about things that aren't that important but they become bigger because I make them that way. I've struggled with A.D.D my whole life which makes following through with things really difficult. I struggle with not feeling like I'm good enough, most of the time. There are more but lets stop there for now.  

Okay, so there I am. All of those "things". All of those NEGATIVE things, and they define me...right? Well, I use to think so.

I used to think that's who I was. I would get so down on myself from others telling me negative things or from my own self doubts, that I thought those "things" defined me.

But then I started to look at those "things" differently. Maybe those things weren't all negative, maybe they were given to me to actually help and teach me in this life. But how???

Lets start with "stubborn". God knew I would have issues with infertility. SO, he sent me to this earth as stubborn as a mule. WHY? So that I would search and work so hard and never give up until I found a way to get my kids where they needed to be, in my family. And Bam! now I have eight! It's okay to laugh, I do. It's so many...LOL and I have never felt more blessed.

Impatient...well the whole infertility fiasco, that taught me oodles of patience WHICH have come in pretty handy with the amount of kids I have now. Without that trial, I would probably have zero patience and probably would have completely lost it by now.

Insecurity... I think we all are insecure to some degree but for me I have learned over the past 8 years to really love myself. WHY? Because of an amazing man who tells me daily how beautiful I am, how grateful he is for me and how lucky he is to have me as his wife. I still have insecurities and probably always will, but I think that makes me human. It makes all of us human.

Now on to being unorganized, messy, lazy and a hoarder. I think this all stems from my childhood. We were poor. My parents went through a divorce when I was 10 and for many of my young teenage years we struggled financially. I wore clothes that were hand-me-downs and I was teased... And it was really tough. SO every paycheck I got, I would buy clothes. Lets face it, I am prissy, I like to look nice but I don't need all of that stuff to feel good about myself. I have gotten to the point in my life where I am ready to let go of all of that. No more fears, no more holding on to "things" that I don't need. And the greatest lesson I have learned through these trials is......to GIVE.

This is the year of what I am calling the "Great Purge". So far we have gone through two of our kids entire wardrobes and discarded 4 giant, black garbage bags of clothes. After we are all done going though all of our clothing, we are going to give them to others who could really use them. If my kids only learn one thing from me, it will be that giving and serving others is what this life is all about. So I now look at my hording as a way to bless the lives of others. Once the purge has taken place, I won't go back to that way of thinking again and when I do get new things, I will discard the old ones immediately.      

I am reading the books "The life-changing magic of tidying up" and it's partner book "Spark joy"...both written by a tiny, cute Japanese lady named Marie Kondo. (she has video's on you tube as well where she organizes a ladies house. Super cool!) Finding these books is an answer to years of prayers to get my house organized once and for all. I am so excited to go to work and watch the transformation. Learning to let go feels amazing.

Now to cover the final few... "flaws". Being introverted, having anxiety, and struggling with noise...Well...I can actually see some positive things about these "things". Sometimes, OKAY, most of the time, I try to take on too much. There is a lot of chaos in our home, just because of the number of bodies. It can be loud with music and T.V and playing and sometimes fighting, and all of the sounds that 8 kids can bring. So because of this, I have found ways to make it more peaceful. I turn on soothing music, I shut the doors when I am in the kitchen so its more quiet and hopefully my kids are learning that quiet and peace invites the spirit of God to be in our home and they will want that for their homes as well.

I love friends and having fun but sometimes the introverted side balances me out to help me to want to just stay home and be content with that. I am socially awkward sometimes and say the wrong thing which is embarrassing but I'm learning that its okay and I'm okay.

Then there is that awesome thing called anxiety. For any of you who have suffered with this, its not great. It's actually pretty crappy but as I've thought about this, I see it as a strength. I am very sensitive. I can sense things about people that have actually kept me safe. I can sense others emotions and when they might need help. I can sense the spirit and when I might need help. The anxiety is almost like a warning for me. It comes when I need to just relax or when I'm doing to much and need to cut back. Sometimes it comes just because but if I stop and recognize whats going on around me, I can usually pin point what brings it on and help it to go away.

The last thing is A.D.D. Oh boy, this one has been awesome! NOT!!!!!!! As a kid I remember sitting in class, my work was done way before anyone else's and I was board out of my mind. I just wanted to go outside or color or draw or SOMETHING! As an adult it has gotten worse. Its hard to start a task and ever finish anything because I get so sidetracked. BUT...there are positives! I can multi-task like no body's business! I can remember how many ball games, practices, appointments, church activities, and a million other things that are going on and get everyone to everything without missing a beat. I can make dinner, do laundry, help with homework, text a friend who needs me and what ever else needs my attention, all at the same time. SO in all reality, my A.D.D is a tremendous blessing. Hip Hip Hooray!

By re-framing our "things", our flaws or weaknesses they can become great strengths and blessings.

I hope by sharing all of these things about myself, you can look at your "things" a little differently. I know I have a lot of positive traits as well. I cherish them and I'm so grateful for them and I am trying to focus on those "things" now, so much more than the negative ones. Happy 2017! This is going to be a GREAT year! I love each of you who takes the time to read these blog posts. I hope this has helped you.  
            

         
 

My Battle with Depression

Today I share something very personal with you. My hope by doing so, is that if any of you are dealing with, or have dealt with depression, you will know you are not alone.

I was asked to sing in church at the end of July, so I decided to go on our church web sight to look through the hymns. When the homepage came up, there was a Mormon Message posted, called "Like A Broken Vessel" with a picture of Elder Jeffery R. Holland, a leader in our church. Not long ago, his talk from our churches General Conference, with the same title, helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. As I watched this video, tears filled my eyes and inspired me to share my story with you.

I am usually positive and driven. I try to be a friend to everyone and help others feel comfortable. Yes, my life can be nuts, just like everyone else's but I know what needs to be done and I just do it. I love to have fun and spend time with my family and friends. I am usually outgoing and the one to reach out to others and to try to help anyone who might need me. I don't like to ask for help and I usually stuff my feelings rather than admit there is a problem. So when a bout of major depression hit me last year, my life suddenly felt like it was spiraling out of control.

Fall is always a crazy time for our family. Harvest starts and Matt gets so busy trying to provide for all of us. He harvests prunes and walnuts and cuts rice the whole month of October. We have football, back to school stuff and it feels like, a million things going on. Matt is a rock star dad but during the summer and fall he can't help as much. It's totally understandable. I get more stressed during this time of year than any other time. The last 7 years have always been that way but this last fall, things were different.
It wasn't the normal "harvest widow" stress either. I started feeling like I was sinking and like I wasn't okay. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My self esteem was gone and a dark cloud started to consume me. I felt scared and hopeless.

I have always taken care of family, they are my everything. My husband needed me, my kids needed me. I didn't have time to feel like not getting out of bed but I just couldn't shake whatever it was that was pulling me down. I didn't want to eat. My appetite was completely gone. I tried to force myself to eat because I knew I needed strength to take care of my family. They began to notice that I barely touched my food at dinner. I worried about my girls seeing that example and how it might effect them. I wasn't on a diet or trying to lose weight but they didn't understand why mom wasn't eating. So I tried to fake it the best I could.

My body hurt. I felt weak and so tired all the time. There were so many days that the minute I got the kids to school, I would climb back into bed until it was time to pick them up again. At the last possible minute, I would shower and put my make up on just like everything was fine. They never saw how bad it was.

Matt was working and he could sense something was wrong but I didn't know how to help him understand what I was going through because I didn't understand it myself. I was losing weight rapidly. I had no energy but still kept trying to act like I was okay. When Matt became really concerned I googled, "How to talk to your spouse about your depression", but I couldn't find the right words.

I didn't want to see anyone or go anywhere. I just wanted to hide in my house and hope the world would just leave me alone. It was the most excruciating feeling of helplessness and hopelessness I have ever experienced in my life. But I kept going. Matt and the kids kept me going. I remember pleading with God for help, to lift this terrible burden from me. But for a while nothing changed.

One morning when I was feeling especially low, I remembered a talk I had heard from Elder Holland, when he spoke of a time in his life that he dealt with depression. I searched for it online, I found it and I read it. It brought comfort to know I wasn't alone but I still didn't feel better. I thought about going to the doctor to get on some sort of medication but I didn't feel good enough to even make an appointment.

A few months of this agony had gone by. I had lost 10 pounds and I looked terrible. People I would see around town who knew me, began to notice and would ask me if I was okay. I would just smile and say "Yes, I'm fine".

It was now November. Matt and I were going to Utah for Thanksgiving. The kids would have to spend the holiday with their dad, which is always so tough for me but we piled in the car anyway and drove to Utah.

Our first stop was my sister's house. I had talked to her a little bit about what I was going through. She could see the sadness in my eyes and she just hugged me and told me it would be okay. I didn't believe her.

My family was so worried about how thin I was. I didn't know what to tell them either so I just kept praying for a miracle.

We spent Thanksgiving Day with my family and it was wonderful. I missed them so much. Utah is so peaceful to me. The beautiful mountains, my family and friends and the familiarity of the amazing place where I grew up. It always made me so happy to be there. But there was still that fog looming over me.

Later that night we went and saw some of Matt's cousins. They are fun, darling human beings who can brighten anyone's day. They brought so much joy to me in the short time we were there. Thenow the following events took place and a miracle happend. It was what I had been praying for.

Here is my facebook post from that night. November 26th, 2015:

        After a wonderful day spent with lots of our family around us, Matt and I decided to do a little shopping then stopped to eat at Denny's. It was the only joint open on Thanksgiving. As we walked in I noticed a homeless man sitting in a booth alone. It was freezing outside! I watched as the waitress brought him some coffee. I continued to watch him without appearing to obvious. I wanted to help him. I started thinking about my day and my heart sunk thinking he was homeless and alone on a day that should be spent with good food and family. I got up and asked the hostess if we could buy him dinner. She told me they were taking care of him and soon she brought him a plate of pancakes, then another when he was done with the first. I could tell he hadn't eaten in a while and it broke my heart. I was grateful for the kindness of the restaurant helping him.

Then a little while later, a girl in her 20's, came in alone and sat behind us. She told the waitress she had just finished a 12 hour shift and she was starving. Soon after she ordered, she stated to cry. I could hear her sobbing. I wanted to talk to her but I kept quiet because I didn't want to invade her privacy. She continued to cry so I finally I couldn't take it anymore and I turned around and asked if she was okay. She said that Thanksgiving was the worst day of the year for her and that she had worked that 12 hours to try to avoid it. I don't know of she had lost a loved one on this day, or why she had such a hard time but I talked to her for a while then patted her shoulder and told her I hoped she felt better.

As we left, Matt gave some money to the waitress for the homeless man. I was so grateful I had said something to the crying girl. It reminded me just how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband, beautiful, healthy children, an amazing extended family to spend my holiday with, and all the comforts of this life.                 

Leaving the restaurant that night, I felt my heavy burden begin to lift, just a little. I started feeling grateful for my beautiful life and all that I had. I started to feel a glimmer of hope.

Then just a few days later a second miracle took place. This was my face book post from our drive home from Utah.

Anytime we drive anywhere, we start the trip with a prayer for safety. Angels were definitely watching over us tonight. 30 minutes outside of Salt Lake we went over a bridge on the freeway and hit black ice. The car was fishtailing back and forth. I saw the guard rail getting closer, so scared we would go over it but miraculously I was able to stay on the road. It felt like someone else took the wheel. I am so grateful we were watched over and protected. So scary!

This doesn't due justice to what I experienced steering our car though that ordeal. We were sliding out of control for what seemed like several minutes. There was a car on my left side, right up until we started to slide and it had magically disappeared. We would have hit it.

I had seen a car on the other side of the freeway that had gone off the road so I had slowed way down prior to hitting the ice. Then when we hit, I knew exactly what to do to keep the suburban on the road. I know with all of my being, I wasn't alone. We were protected and I was amazingly calm during the whole thing.

When the car quit thrashing and the kids quit crying the car was quiet. My mind was filled with peace and I was able to see things in my life, so clearly. The depression and what had caused it became very insignificant. I was still fragile and it would take months to fully heal and recover but that night was a start.

I felt God's love surround me in ways I hadn't before and I knew I would be okay.

It took time to fully grasp what it was that had caused the depression but once I did I was able to make necessary changes in my life to hopefully ensure, that it won't happen again. Those details aren't really important but what I will say is that if there are toxic people in your life who are causing stress or insecurities, it's okay to say goodbye to those people.

I have learned a lot since I went through my battle with depression. I have learned to do the best I can and that is good enough. I have learned when things get overwhelming, to make my world smaller. I've learned to say no and to truly love myself despite my flaws. But most of all, I have leared just how much God and my family love me. With them by my side, I can do anything.

I have shared the link of the video I watched and also this picture taken during that "dark" time. I can see the sadness in my own eyes but it reminds me that even though I was hurting, I was still me and I made it through.

https://youtu.be/IrNqGqy5kbQ

If you have taken the time to read this, Thank you for your love! Your friendship means the world to me.


         

Happiness in Marriage

I love the beginning of a new year! It is such a wonderful time to reflect on life and look at all the wonderful blessings and memories that have been made. It is also the perfect time to focus on new goals and maybe make some changes in our lives. 

My blog posts always stem from questions people ask me. Matt and I have a unique, yet very common situation for these times. We deal with challenges every day with our kids and issues from divorce and blending two families. BUT despite those challenges we have found so much happiness with each other. 

This post is about how we make our marriage strong and how we fall in love with each other more and more every day. It has taken many years of practice, sacrifice and humility to get to where we are today...almost 8 years to be exact but it has been SO worth it. I am so grateful a loving Heavenly Father guided me to my amazing husband who has helped me to love myself again and tells me every day how much he loves and cherishes me. From being "Miss Independent" my ENTIRE life, I have learned it is okay to lean on my husband and allow him to actually take care of me. I hope these things can help you in your marriages and if you are single, don't give up hope. God is so mindful of you and he will bless you with someone amazing if that is your desire. Happy New Year to all of you. I'm so grateful for each of you in my life. 

Here are my Top 10 things we do to have so much joy in our marriage and our family.  

#1. We always put each other first! Matt is my best friend. We laugh together, cry together, and support each other. He is so mindful of my needs and makes a huge effort to see those needs are met, daily. I do the same for him.   

#2. We support each other's dreams and hobbies. Matt loves to hunt and I love to travel. I go to Utah 3 or 4 times a year and Matt is so supportive of that. He hunts...A LOT and I say...go for it! We support each other in all that we do and it makes a huge difference in our relationship.

#3. We put God as the center of our life and our home. We attend church as a family, every Sunday...we never miss. Every night we have family prayer with our kids. Sometimes its all together and sometimes it's in each of their bedrooms but not a night goes by that we don't do this. We also have a family night once a week. For us this is usually on Sunday because of our kids crazy sports schedules, but it is so important. We also have started having a family counsel once a month. This is a time when we discuss issues within our family and let each of our children speak their mind and voice their opinion on the subject. We want them to know they are heard. We pray for protection when we travel and we ask God to protect us and our children, daily. He is why we are together and he is our light and our strength.

#4. We always lift each other up. I have talked before about how "broken" I felt when I met Matt. He felt the same way. But over the years we have helped each other to heal. I can't even count how many times a day, Matt tells me he loves me and how grateful he is to have me in his life. He tells me I am beautiful and thanks me for the things in the house that I DO get done, never putting me down for the things I don't. I tell Matt how much I appreciate how hard he works for our family and for what a wonderful example and father he is to our kids. I tell him he's a hunk and that I'm so blessed to have him in my life. These things are SO important. If you aren't doing them...start! I promise you it will make a huge difference in your marriage.       

#5. We try to be positive. We all have bad days and our kids can drive us crazy. I can definitely be a complainer but we have both tried to be more positive and not let those tough things in life get us down. If someone or something is causing emotional turmoil in your life, get rid of it! Weed those people or things out, set boundaries and find peace. From personal experience, it is liberating and very necessary. Have a glass half full, attitude in your marriage and in your life.

#6. We back each other up...always. I will admit, this has been the toughest one for me. I grew up one way and Matt grew up another. We had two totally different parenting styles when we got married. I thought he was way too tough on the kids and I was definitely not tough enough. Over the years we have found a balance but it is so important to have each others backs, especially in front of the kids. If you disagree, take it to the bedroom and discuss it but let the kids see you are united.

#7. We show respect and teach respect. Lets face it, this world is full of rude, disrespectful people and the age of the disrespect gets younger and younger. In our home we teach kindness and love for others. We respect each other and show that example to our kids. I read something on Facebook not that long ago about what parents would want for their children. One of the questions was "Would you rather have your child to grow up rich or kind. I would chose kindness every time.               

#8. Learn to listen. This one took both of us a long time to master. We have learned over the years that sometimes our spouse just needs to talk. We can't always fix it or don't need to, but we need to listen to each other and have empathy and kindness for whatever the issue is. This pertains to our children and others in our lives as well. 

#9. Always be honest. When I married Matt I was a "stuffer". I had been hurt a lot in my life so instead of talking about my feelings I would just stuff them deep inside to protect myself. I wasn't really being dishonest but I didn't share my true feelings sometimes for a fear of feeling to vulnerable or getting hurt. Matt has helped me to trust again and we are honest with each other, even if its not always what we might want to hear. 

#10. Just cherish each other.  I have mentioned many times in posts that when I was single, that I would always pray for someone who would "cherish" me. The definition of cherish means to: protect and care for, lovingly, to hold dear and to keep in one's mind. Matt is my angel in this regard. He does all of the previous 9 things but more than that, he truly cherishes me as his wife. 

I talk to a lot of people, everyday, who have gone through, or are going through trials in their lives. Quite a few, recently, have told me of the challenges they are having in their marriages. Some are talking about divorce and others are just very unhappy. It makes me so sad to hear this. I don't know all the answers but I do know that marriage takes a lot of hard work. Yes, Matt and I are very happy but a fairy godmother didn't just wave a magic wand and poof...we are eternally happy. It takes work! We have struggles just like everyone else. There are days we drive each other crazy. There are many times we don't agree. It really has taken almost 8 years for us to learn how to communicate and how to have the kind of marriage we have always wanted. 

These 10 things are from trial and error but I know they work. Make the effort to nurture your relationships. It's not hard, you might have to swallow your pride and forgive but you can do it! I hope something I have shared can help you too. I would love to hear anything that works for you! May you have a wonderful 2016.                  
                                 

Changing the world with just one word...RESPECT

I am not the most eloquent writer and by no means do I even pretend to have all the answers to many of life's tough questions. I do however, feel very deeply and think often about things that I wish I had the power to change.  

So many issues of major controversy have been splashed over the pages of social media lately. They have been broadcast on the news and over the radio. You all know what they are so there is no point for me rehash them. Besides those issues, we hear daily about police officers being shot, innocent victims losing their lives, riots breaking out, children disappearing or being abused, terrorist attacks and the list goes on and on. 

Just in my own community I have witnessed road rage, people screaming at each other at my children's sporting events, people bad mouthing others on social media, teachers getting yelled at by parents and students and that list continues. I know there is still goodness in this crazy world, I witness that as well but more and more there seems to be less compassion, less human kindness....and much less RESPECT for each other. I firmly believe that if we could just learn to respect each other again, the world could be such a different and much better place.    

The supreme court ruled that gay marriage is now legal. Do I agree with it? That isn't what this is about. I have family members who are gay and because of that I "respect" and love them. It doesn't matter if I agree, I just choose to love and show respect to them as a person. When the umpire at my boys baseball game makes a bad call do I have to agree with that? No, but I respect the call.  

Stop for a minute and think about all of the situations we are faced with daily. Is it really worth it to scream and swearing at someone over a parking spot or if they cut you off on the freeway? What are we teaching our kids? Why can't we just let it go and move on. Have there been times when I have lost it or not acted how I wished I would have?... Absolutely! We have all been there! But if our society could just take a minute and step back when faced with any frustrating situation and remember that one word "respect", I know it would make so much difference in our own lives and the lives of others.

Respect each other in your families, respect those in the schools, respect others at church, respect authority figures, respect strangers, respect the law, respect God and his laws and most of all respect yourself. 

My favorite holiday is the 4th of July. Every year I always watch a parade, on the day that we celebrate our freedom. As the flag goes by, my heart sinks, as more and more people don't even stand to show respect for our country. Things need to change and I hope this insignificant, yet heart felt blog post, might inspire you or someone out there to start now. Be a little more respectful to those around you and encourage others to do the same. Thank you for taking a minute to read this. Together, we really can make a difference.    
             

My Valentine!

Okay so this is a day late. With 8 kids running a zillion different directions, its bound to happen. I decided that with this post I want to get really personal. I'm going to talk about some things that have been very difficult for me but I think they are worth sharing. This is my love story, my fairy tale, and I am so grateful to be where I am right now, in my life.

People often comment about Matt and I and how much they love to see us so happy. Thanks to Facebook and the things we share about our lives, people have watched our love story unfold. I will be the first to say that even though we are very happy together, it hasn't always been easy. We started out with 8 children, when most newlyweds just have each other. We faced lots of challenges in the beginning. We had to learn how to communicate, how to blend, how to look past each others faults and the big one was, how to overcome the baggage that we both brought from our previous marriages. But I can honestly say, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life, thanks to a man who has "just loved me".

After my divorce, I was completely broken. The details of what I went through are not something I want to discuss but my self esteem was shattered because of things I experienced and I didn't feel worthy of anything, especially love. I found myself dating people who were needy or a "project" as my mom would say. I didn't feel like I deserved any better. I know I was being watched over during that time and God sent an angel into my life. He was a counselor named Roger Mckenzie. Roger helped me begin to heal but the most important thing he taught me was to start believing that I had great worth and that I deserved someone who was "worthy of me" as he put it. This was a hard concept for me to grasp. It took a lot of prayer and tears to even have a glimpse that I was of worth at all, during that time in my life but I began to pray to find someone who would "cherish" me. Every time I would pray, I would use that word "cherish". Little did know, God heard my prayers and I was blessed with exactly that.

Matthew David Little came into my life in May of 2008. I had been divorced a little over a year and I was ready to find love again. I remember the first time I came to California. It was in June, and we had been e-mailing and talking on the phone for about 3 weeks. I flew to Sacramento and this tall, handsome guy was waiting at the airport for me. When I first saw him, I started to run and gave him a hug, then he twirled me, just like in a movie. On the hour drive from Sacramento to Gridley, we sang to the radio, talked and laughed, just like we had known each other for years. I was so scared to let myself fall for this guy who lived 2 states away, from everything and everyone I knew. I understood how hard it would be to move with 5 little kids to a foreign land...ha ha...but I took a leap of faith and that leap paid off. A month later we were married and I have never looked back.

From the very beginning, Matt has told me daily how beautiful I am. He never complains about the things I don't get done but always praises me for the things I do. It's amazing what happens when you hear things like "Thank you for making our bed everyday, I feel like I live in a hotel", and "Wow, I am the luckiest guy in the world to have you for my wife" and "How did I ever find you"? My self esteem started to improve. I started to feel worth something again. Matt would make sure we went on dates, usually, weekly. He would help me with the kids and back me up every time. He spent time with our kids and taught them important things. Matt also recognized when I needed a break. He would tell me to go and get a "diet sprite" (a line from the movie "Date Night") and to take as long as I needed. I have been able to go on "girl trips" when Matt has taken care of things at home. We have traveled together, prayed together, laughed A LOT together, finished each other's sentences, hundreds of times and had more fun than I ever thought possible. I can honestly say that he is my best friend! Through his unconditional love and the way that he has "cherished" me, I am whole again. I am so grateful to be given this second chance with such an amazing man by my side. He is my Valentine! Not just on February 14th but every day of the year. I am so in love and wanted the whole world to know it! I love you hot stuff!!!!!!